Seeing and responding to the world in these extremes, through either a filter of positivity or negativity, can leave a person with BPD exhausted and emotionally drained. Wishing you the best! It’s difficult because we parent and I am very social justice oriented and I am trying to raise my kids in this way. With my clients, I have found that merely being aware of a behavior is 95% of the battle. But obviously this isn't for everyone. Thank you. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. I don't recommend trying to achieve this state as it is aching to apathy. When you find yourself splitting, it's usually because you are making judgments about people. A quick google gives me nothing except for detailed explanations of what it is. I try to avoid topics about racism with my husband because we’re not on the same page and I don’t want to argue about the effects of racism with the man I married. BPD relationships shift between highs and lows. It's so obvious that it's like watching a switch flip in my brain, but even when I know it's happening I can't figure out how to mitigate it. I find if the best way to slow down my thoughts, and gain some perspective about the situation, is to smoke pot. And I commend you for that. This is also known as black-and-white thinking or all-or-nothing thinking. Splitting is defined as the failure in a person’s thinking to bring together the dichotomy of both positive and negative qualities of the self and others into a cohesive, realistic whole. And even if not in the moment, it does after the fact when the outburst is over and you can begin to sort of level out. I got dumped last week and holy fuck, one minute I want to go stand outside her window with a boom box, and the next minute I want to blackmail her. When it comes to lacking empathy for others, it's hard not to split-- especially since us BPD's are extreme empaths and tend to be strong advocates for social justice. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. How do you stop splitting? Seeking Support . I've been splitting so hard lately. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. It stops them from being able to recognise or accept paradoxical qualities in someone or something and doesn’t allow for any ‘grey areas’ in their thinking. Acknowledge you are making a judgement, but don't judge yourself for it, and then let it pass. I try to avoid topics about racism with my husband because we’re not on the same page and I don’t want to argue about the effects of racism with the man I married. If youre trying to avoid an outburst or reacting towards your husband for certain things, try leaving the room or space you're in when youre feeling yourself moving from 0-100. I’m bad at relationships myself, but I suppose you just have to accept that you just won’t agree, and that’s okay. While it doesn't work everytime, it has worked sometimes. You’ve already done the hard part, owning it. I need a vacation. A place for those who have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) (also known as EUPD [Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder])--, their family members and friends, and anyone else who is interested in learning more about the disorder. I have PMDD and I am about to get my period and I am fully aware that it’s during these times I should avoid all conflicts because either I want a divorce or the world is going to end. Just stopping myself, waiting for that switch to go back before I continue my life. I will try that. Once you see it and pay attention to it, you can change it. Write what you like and dislike about your husband down. The only way of dealing with this I have come up with so far is constantly second guessing myself. I’ve never done that. Then I went to my room for a couple of hours and did work. One of the hardest things about having borderline personality disorder (BPD), for me, is splitting. We didn’t argue but I got emotional and asked not to talk about it anymore. BPD splitting destroy relationships in the way that the person defends against bad feelings within themselves so that they can feel good about themselves. That really helped and the fact that I realized that I was about to lose it and I needed to reign that in. And now that I do that I've become able to manage it. A quick google gives me nothing except for detailed explanations of what it is. I only just began DBT about a month or two ago, but my therapist tells me to "check the facts" when I begin to split or dissociate. Maybe when I am not in my PMDD week. Any techniques you want to share? I can't imagine how tough that must be. I don't want to do anything stupid though, and people at work all think I've been acting strange lately, so I've just been hiding in my house this week. It's so obvious that it's like watching a switch flip in my brain, but even when I know it's happening I can't figure out how to mitigate it. Press J to jump to the feed. I already know what it is, I do it every goddamn day - what I want to know is, how can I stop doing it? If you live with borderline personality disorder (BPD), “splitting” may be something you can relate to. How to Stop Splitting? We agree on some things but not others and it’s hard not to split on him when it happens. I don’t think he’s evil I just then wonder how are we married. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Thanks. BPD splitting destroys relationships by causing the person to distort how they see themselves and others. With splitting, there is no gray area. How do you manage splitting? Right there with you. Cookies help us deliver our Services. I've never had a lot of success with CBT techniques so I don't really have any suggestions there. People with BPD often experience intense fears of abandonment and instability. These reminders are helpful. To cope with these fears, they might use splitting as a defense mechanism. For example, a “bad” person does “bad” things, a “good” person does “good” things. Anyway, I don’t want to think these thoughts about him because he’s overall good to me and people. For me, a change of environment and some fresh air (for 10 minutes or hours) can help me deescalate sometimes. It's remarkable how effective just recognizing that you are having judgmental thoughts is to deescalating in triggering situations. I already know what it is, I do it every goddamn day - what I want to know is, how can I stop doing it?